Oh Dear

Oh ... no

Well readers of the world, I did the most stupidest (doesn't sound like a word when you type it, weird) anyhoo; last night I did something stupid last night and this is how it kinder went.  

Last night I confronted, well I say confronted it was more like explain myself as the word confront sounds aggressive and I was most certainly not aggressive. Anyway I spoke to my other half and well it didn't go to well. this is the point were most people will go 'Oh ... no', but I explained how I was feeling and how I felt that my life was on hold and the it was really getting to me, I also explained how that I feel that he puts everything else first and before me.

 

Right now some of you think that I'm being selfish and maybe I am, but doesn't everyone want to have someone who thinks that they are the most important thing in the world. I realise that this may sound like the ravings of a hormonal teenager however, that's not the case. I feel that ... well that's it my feelings are all over the place and maybe that's what causing us to have problems. Time will tell I suppose.

 

Now on to the stupid part, drums at the ready ...... I said that I feel that I think that sometimes the things he does make me feel as if he wants to make me jealous. Well that accidently stuck a nerve. I didn't get time to explain myself, which was that because he gives attention to everyone else when were together, it feels that he does it deliberately. I have told him in the past that I don't like some of the things that he does and he has mentioned that he knows that I don't like it, which begs the question 'why do it?' if he knows why I don't like it then why do it. it baffles me.

 

There are those of you out there that will be thinking that i'm crazy, and why am I writing this for people to see, well in my opinion, it's better than keeping it all in and then getting angry because that's not helping anyone.

 

I write these things to help me understand them, not so that people can judge (even though I know they will) The world is a crazy place is it not. I regret what I did last night as I hurt someone I care about. I wouldn't recommend it people.

 

 

Me? ... Where to Start

 Well people of the world, I have decided create a blog; time will tell whether this decision was one of stupidity or a stoke of genius.

 

As it is my first time (naughty) I thought it would only be customary to ell you all something about me and my life. I am currently attending college studying the sciences and geology, I know what your thinking 'wow that's really interesting' it's not really but I do enjoy learning so I thought I would challenge myself; which I have in my opinion achieved. I also in a relation with an amazing guy, who I love to pieces. Yes he can be annoying and yes he sometimes doesn't understand how much I care or that certain things upset me, but being together only six months I think we are doing well.

I'm in care which makes my life kinder annoying and unfortunate at times as I can't always do the things that I what, which can occasionally get in the way of life and building a life with those that I want to. However I persevere and get through, as I must but that is a story for a more drunk day.

 

Enough about the me me more about me in general. I don't do much with life which is a real disappointment as I always said that life is something that only comes once (unless you believe in reincarnation, I don't) but this is mainly to do with the whole care thing. I have found that most people don't understand that the lives they live are special and fortunate as they don't have to live by a constant excess of rules, like how my life is bound by. Take m other half for example, he's kinder a free spirit (well to put it lightly) I believe he will never understand as hard as he dos try, and he does try, he will never get how hard life can be sometimes. but that is a lesson he will have to learn one sad day.

 

Well alas I must leave you me dear readers, as I is my first blog post I feel I shouldn't become a epic story. I hope that reading this you don't ink that it is the sad ramblings of a teenager, because i will add to it in due time, talking about my experiences of life; as most of the time when something occurs you can only sum up what has happened by saying life...eh.