Crazyness That Is My Life

Oh My Lord ...

Hello my fellow bloggers and those who read this in the moment that they are very bored, you attention is appreciated (Not in a needy types of way). Few of you may be wondering why I haven't posted anything in the last two-ish weeks, well the thing is I had a lot to deal with. Lets use bullet point to illustrate what has occurred in the last couple of week. (Bullets points are fun aren't they!)

• Firstly this may sound cryptic but those that know me will understand where I am coming from. The people that essentially control my life, in my opinion sabotage my holiday by not doing their job properly meaning that I essentially spent 90% of my time off from college at home. Some of you will possibly be thinking that there is nothing wrong with spending time at home for extended periods of time however, I do not enjoy doing such things. I find it claustrophobic. The fact that I spent such a long time at home means that I didn't get to spend as much time with my boyfriend as I would of liked (properly much to his dismay). It also means that I couldn't get out to Liverpool and go shopping, which is always tragic.

 

• Secondly, because of a breakdown in communication with the people that I work with, it meant that wen I tried to introduce my boyfriend to my auntie for the first time which would have be soooo much fun, as we were at Ikea (anyone who has been to Ikea will understand how much fun the place actually is). Anyhoo the communication breakdown meant that when Andrew came to Ikea, he couldn't stay leaving him feeling unwanted. This wasn't that case as I really wanted him there and so did  Jude, but because of the idiocy that occurred he had to go home without meeting Jude, which upset both of use. After Andrew had left I got a 'telling off' for not telling anyone that Andrew was coming, yet again this wasn't the case and people just ignored what I said.  

 

• Thirdly I told Andrew the difficult thing that I have ever had to tell anyone. ( I won't go into the details as there are things that should stay between boyfriends) the news left use both feeling emotionally raw and at one point I honestly believed that he was going to leave me and never be a part of my life again. Thankfully this wasn't the case, and I feel that were are stronger than ever as there is nothing between us that the there won't tell. We now have a completely honest loving relationship (Not that we didn't have that before a I have never lied to Andrew) without fear that something that happened a long time a go would end it.

The last week has been such an emotional rollercoaster and I have a feeling that it may come to a well needed end soon, fingers crossed. The last couple of weeks have given a new way of looking at the world and the people in it, I have a stronger love and respect for those currently part of my life and I have a new found fight to keep them in it. Andrew is one of the few people that I feel open with as I know he will be there no matter what, my aunt Jude is going through the sadness of someone close to her passing, so im trying to keep her feeling secure and loved. other that I feel almost content with the way my life is and I know that it can only get better, from here no out.  

 

Taking Control

Life is full of uncetainties, so taking control is the way forward...

Since my last 'post' many things seemed to have occured. There was the trauma over whether me and my dearest should stay together (which we have decided to do, so don't panic my readers of the world I am still in love. Sickening I know) but the whole thing was a total heartache. I felt horrible for a day and a half, which doesn't sound like much but when your crying the whole time; time has a way of going slower. I ended up explaining everything to an unlikely fellow who ended up being a amazing friend, he text my dearest unbeknowest to myself and told him if he loved me he would come see me. Which he ended up doing; we talked about everything, that we were both feeling off in general and he apologised about hurting me with how he's been recently, and now we have decided to listen and do what the other needs even if we don't need it ourselves. I think it's really working as we seem to be getting over what has happened. Time will tell I guess, fingers crossed as i do care deeply about him; more than he knows (I think).

 

Moving on as that is now in the well deserved past. This week I also went to the chinese new year celebrations, which was really fun as everyone was on a real high (legal high that is, not drugs or anything like that). China town was full of people which i've never seen before and I love the whole chinese culture. What made it even more entertaining was that my aunt dragged me through the crowd pushing people out the way as she went. See, I am of the opinion that you shouldn't push people out the way for yourself to take their place but my aunt isn't of the same opinion, she pushed like her life depended on it. It was embarrassing I was apologising to everyone she pushed. however it was weirdly fun to do.

 

Other than that I havn't done anything else with my week, but it's been such an emotion rollercoaster and I feel that there is light at the end of the tunnel so me. I know that sounds corny but with all the trash that i have had to endure i deserve something good for my fortitude, i think that maybe that is my Andrew (who is proberly throwing up if he has found this and read it). I believe in karma and i may have done something bad in my life but the world can't expect me to keep trying to make it right forever, i have tried my hardest to create a good life and in six months my life will truly be my own so i just have to wait out this current storm.

 

With all this stuff going on i have decided to try, at least to take control of what is occuring in the crazy life that is mine. I think that as long a try to do what is best for me and those that i care about i can't go worng. I hope...